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Trying to find a job in a small town is rediculous. Thats all i need is a fucking job. I dont care at all what fucking job it is, i dont care if its mcdonalds. I need a job so that i can save every scrap of money i make to go back to Florida with. I dont care about paying my sister back first, i can pay her back from Florida. What i can’t do is stay here past December without losing every bit of sanity i have.

Everything i love and care about is in Florida, and thats my chance at a good, happy life. And i am not going to fucking lose it just because of this shitty fucking place. Im going back by the end of the year no matter what i have to fucking do to get there.

I cant feel anything other than suck right now. Everything will be better once i get a job. I dont care what i have to do, no fucking way in hell am i being here past Christmas. I will make enough money to be back to Luke, and back to Florida by then, no matter what. I dont care if that means not paying my sister back. Im grateful for her loaning me the money and all, but my happiness in life and me getting back to florida is much more important to me than me paying her back. I can still pay her back from Florida. But i can’t get back to Florida as soon if i have to give her the amount she wants each month. And i need to be back there as soon as possible because i have never been nearly as happy in my entire life as i was while i was in Florida and i am not going to give that up. I have a chance to really be happy and have a decent life, with a really really wonderful person. And i am not fucking giving that up or risking that for anything or anyone.

It feela so weird and completely unreal that i’m flying back to New York in a few days. Trying to pack in as many good memories as possible before i leave and still have a few things to pack and i am going to miss so so so so much more than i can explain but its also going to be nice to be in the country again even though most other stuff there sucks.

I want a husky with two different colored eyes. And when i get back to New York, i will do my damndest to find one. And if my aunt says one word to me about getting a dog, or touches my dog, i will throw a fucking cast iron skillet at her.

Never has ANYTHING put my vagina through so much pain as a bicycle seat. Like it seriously hurts more than times when i had sex 10 times in a day. And i only rode to Walmart and back.

I get to call my sister and ask if she can take a week off work to drive the two days to Florida to get me, because i have too much stuff to take back on a plane or train, and no money for a ticket anyway. This is fabulous. At least she has 2 days in a row off anyway so hopefully she wont have to take a whole week off. If she even can. Or will.

Idk how i’m gonna make it to 2pm today without losing it. I still have no idea if im staying in Florida or not, i got crap/no sleep, and the deli sucks ass today. EVERYTHING needs to be remade, and the fryer needs to be cleaned, which i dont know how to do but am supposed to do, i have no gloves, and big cut on my hand. Cool. Oh yea and starving.

Im the one freaking out ans im the problem.

Says the person who LITERALLY THREW all of my stuff into the front door in a huge pile, breaking things in the process.

And i need to go to the store to get bubble wrap and packing stuff by myself.

But how am i supposed to do that when my keys are mysteriously just gone off of my keychain and i have no idea where they are.

I really dont think i have ever wanted to kill myself more than i do now. There literally is not a single thing on this entire planets that i want at all if i cant have this. Everything else is meaningless.

My shoe is tied entirely too tight and i have no time to fix it, it’s already hot outside, and i am about to start my no break shift. Which is completely illegal by the way, but Winn Dixie apparently doesnt care about those things.

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